A few years ago I was called to report for jury duty in my small county. I arrived along with most of the people from my county. Of course, I knew half the folks in there. I was placed on the grand jury and thought oh good I won’t be here long and my jury duty time will be completed. (Who else hates having to remember to call the number just to see if your needed?) As a Mama and Teacher I would get so busy that I would sometimes forget.
Anyways back to the topic…I had no clue what being on the grand jury entailed, but if you’ve never been on a grand jury let me tell you, the first the thing you have to do is tour the jail! Wait what?!! To ensure the prisoners are living in acceptable conditions. I thought hmmm, this should be interesting. So they open the locked side door to let us in and at that moment I could feel my heart start to race, my face got all hot, and my nerves went thru the roof. The second that door locked behind me the smell took over my body and I was reminded of a time when I was just 8 years old that I sat in that exact same jail, across from the glass window and visited my dad there. (Story for another day) When I say it took over I mean it took over. I could hardly walk through there, I thought I was going to have to ask to be let out. I mustered up the strength to make it through, but my body was telling me to get out.
Once outside again, a deputy whom I’ve known my entire life started to ask me about my son’s, about life, about school etc. I honestly don’t know if he could tell that I was about to lose it or if he was just being kind, but that day that deputy helped me so much. I rushed to my car and called my husband before reporting to the courthouse. I was hysterically crying, couldn’t catch my breath and trying to let it all out before going back in. At 42 years old I had no idea that the human body could recall things in that much detail that happened over 30+ years earlier. This was the first time I had ever experienced a panic attack, but it wouldn’t be the last. Since that day I have learned the hard way how the body can react in different situations and hope to be able to share it here.
By the way, being on the grand jury was very eye opening to say the least…and it wasn’t a short day at all, but I got through it and came out stronger and smarter than when my day started. I say all of this to let you know that hard things can be done and that our bodies have a crazy way of showing us things. I would love to hear your story, has this ever happened to you?
Just a Mom Trying to Survive 